22 November 2011

Stable community!

When the Housing Officer visited the flat to investigate alegations of a " noise nuisance", not only did he find a donkey in the property, but the tenant had sawn the door to one room in half so that the animal could stick his head out as though it was in a stable!

 

A youth had just appeared in court for his anti-social behaviour and his solicitior had to explain about the restrictions to be placed on him. The Council wanted him stopped from visiting a particular area, but his representative explained that there was a shop in the middle of that estate that he visited on behalf of his mother. A bargain was struck: the youth could go straight to the shop but then leave the area immediately, without loitering.
"What?" said the youth when this was explained to him.

"You mean I can't drop any crisp packets on the floor?!"

 

ASBO-d and Dangerous?
A man had been terrorising a neighbourhood, and his neighbours had had enough. At his trial to decide whether or not he would receive an ASBO, the defence counsel asked him what his reaction was when he learnt that many of his neighbours considered him an aggressive and violent man. Our friendly neighbour leant over the side of the witness box and snarled, "I'll kill anyone who says that!"

The ASBO was awarded!

 

During an inspection of an empty flat the housing officer discovered that the outgoing tenants had left a Mynah bird in the bedroom!

 The bird was taken back to the office and the RSPCA was called. Whilst they were waiting, the bird (and you will remember that they are great mimics) was heard to say in a breathless voice:

 " Ooh, that's nice, ooh that's lovely, do THAT again, PLEASE!"

A letter had been sent to a tenant following a complaint that she was breeding several types of animals, including raccoons, in her flat. The tenant came into the office to see the author of the letter, who hadn't really believed the allegation but needed to be seen to be responding to the complaint.
The tenant was outraged! "Well for a start they're not racoons,they're marmoset monkeys!  Just like this one in my hood!" She said as she produced one from her clothing!